Wrestle-MEH-nia

Another year, another Wrestlemania. This years theme seemed to be mediocrity. Overall, it was an okay show, but nothing really too special. There weren't any huge entrances and the one that seemed big was both very anticlimactic and something that TNA did on broadcast TV. The show order was clunky and some of the matches were embarrassing. Sitting on the couch next to two of my friends who actually are wrestling professionally gave an even deeper perspective to my lifelong fandom and analyzation. The following is a match to match quick blurb, in order.

Starting off with a tag team title match featuring a recently formed tag team as the faces seemed odd, but again the WWE shows it's half-hearted attempt to push R-Truth. It was a strong opening, but Big Show seemed really sloppy. When he took Truth to the corner pole, it looked like he just dropped him and his K.O. punch was half-assed. It was a quick match, but I guess Show just wanted to get to the bar.

The triple threat match with Legacy had the makings to be a good match and it kind of was. The betrayal happened at the right time and Orton was a crazed maniac. They were all bad guys, so to hear them the most sadistic, Orton, was a bit surprising. I mean, yeah, DiBiase and Rhodes picked on him technically making him the face, but he was still acting like an asshole. The Double Middle Rope DDT was awesome and called by Hanes Classic. Good match, but too predictable.

Money in the Bank with too many young kids compared to people who could actually win it. If the company wants us to believe that any one can win, stop putting the younger kids (and Shelton Benjamin) in the match. Coming into the match, Christian, Kane, Matt Hardy and Drew McIntyre seemed like the most likely winners compared to everyone else. Kofi, Benjamin and Bourne were in there for the high spots and the rest were just fodder for those spots. Kofi attempted to repeat Sheltons spot from a few years ago on Kane, but botched only to be powerbombed by Kane on to the ladder he climbed. Evan Bourne needs to do more. That man is insane and has constantly been having good showings in every match he's had. Pulling a Shooting Star Press from essentially the middle rope was just plain awesome. The highlight of the amazing was Kofi using the two halves of a broken ladder as stilts to get to the middle of the ring. It was a little bit more than a spot fest, but it was a great match for the event. And then the ending happened. Jack Swagger knocked my boy Christian off of the ladder and took literally 20 seconds to get the case down. Schmuck. I want him to be the first person to fail when he tries.

Following that with the Triple H and Sheamus match was a kind of good way to keep the high going. Considering that this was a Student vs. Teacher match, it was rather clean. Not really much to talk about here, but it was a good solid match with Triple H coming out the victor. Good end to a good match, but it was surprising to see that it was the undercard compared to the following match.

Every year, Rey Mysterio comes to the ring dressed in a fantastical way. Usually it's a Superhero, but one year he dressed as an Aztec warrior for his World Title match. This year, in his match against CM Punk he came to the ring dressed as a god-damned Na'Vi.



I don't like it. I don't know if too many people know this, but I actively chose NOT to see Avatar in theatres because everyone was telling me what kind of an experience it was. If it's a good movie, I can watch it at home and enjoy it. ANYWAY, the Punk and Mysterio match went rather well with a clean match from Punk. He hasn't been too clean or varied since he came to the company, but I always had respect because of his Indy background. At Wrestlemania it seems like he finally stepped up and will be rather consistent. Mysterio picked up the win after cleaning out Gallows to a great pop. Good match, my brother is actually starting to like CM Punk. Good work.

At this point, the talk of the 10-Diva tag match kept coming up as the card was getting even more epic. Up next was the Bret Hart and McMahon confrontation. It wasn't a match, it was a no holds barred fight. Okay, so in WWE's mind, a fight 13 years in the making is LESS important than a 10-Diva tag match. Okay, I'll go with it.

Bret comes out in jean shorts and a T-shirt, this is definitely not going to be a match. Vince comes out and brings the rest of the living Hart family with him, including the New Hart Foundation, and says that he paid them to be his lumberjacks. Also, Bret's brother Bruce was going to be the special guest referee. First off, if this was something so important to Bret, the family wouldn't side with Vince. This hunch seems to be true as it was a double cross! What follows is a gratuitous beating from the Hart family. Not only the Foundation, who gave what looked like a terrible bump to Vince on the outside, but the rest of the family got some hits in. Bret teased the Sharpshooter early on to a lot of cheers, but didn't do it. McMahon ended up grabbing a pry bar that was under the ring (for some reason), but got it taken by Bret and used on him. After at least 10 shots to random parts of McMahon and teasing the Sharpshooter again twice, a chair was brought in. Some shots were clean, some were taken by McMahon pretty brutally, even after the banning of Head Shots. After a shot to the legs, Bret slapped on the Sharpshooter and won, and the crowd was relieved. The massacre could stop. The fans were happy? What a match?

Up next is the World Heavyweight Title Match. I guess the Divas match was cancelled. The champion comes out first, in an odd change. Also, Edge won the Royal Rumble, didn't that mean that he MAIN EVENTS Wrestlemania? Being the third to last match kinda sucks. After building up the Spear as the decider in the match, a good one never got off. Jericho won after a title belt to the face and a Code Breaker. "Clean" finish to a pretty good match, but it wasn't over for Edge. After making a joke earlier that Edge would spear Jericho through the Announcers table, it kind of happened! Edge on one table, Jericho on the other and Edge speared Jericho through the Time Keepers table. Pretty good end and Edge will be back for the title later.

So it's time for the WWE....wait what? What are the Divas coming out for? They're actually having it? So in the mind of the WWE, a Royal Rumble winners "Main Event" title match for revenge and the 13 year in the making revenge fan service are and undercard compared to the 10-Diva tag match featuring Vicky Guerrero. Who the fuck made that decision? Now before the match even started and without making a comment on how the match played out this is automatically a bad decision. How did the match play out? Everybody did their finishing moves and Vickie landed what was called a "Hog Splash" to win the match. The match was quick and I have something to say later about the Hog Splash thing. This should have either started the show or been left out, it was a waste of time.

So the WWE Title match was supposed to save us from the ridiculousness that was the previous match, but it was an absolute botch fest. Batista was very sloppy and Cena wasn't doing enough to garner a positive reaction. Just being a face and going through the motions isn't enough for the top title match. The story behind the match wasn't as strong as the Edge and Jericho Match, so it's placement seemed like a pure fan service. It ended with the STFU, which is one of the worst STF's I've ever seen. At least Cena has a sense of humor as after he won the title, he went ringside and celebrated with a group of fans wearing "We Hate Cena" shirts with a big ole smirk on his face. Good show Cena.



It was somewhat surprising to see the Undertaker and Shawn Michaels match as the main event. Hell, Flair didn't get the main event for his retirement match. Needless to say, this match shows why these guys are the best in the business. Taker is taking some time off to get surgery and heal and Shawn is taking a break to watch his kids grow up. Some great surprises including me calling a moonsault from the ring to the Announce Table from Michaels. Michaels never say die attitude and is somewhat "FINISH THE JOB" attitude at the end of the match were really epic, though it didn't top his "I love you. I'm sorry." from his match with Flair.

Conclusion: Very weird choices with this years Wrestlemania. A lot of heels won, which is weird for a Wrestlemania.

The tag match had a short build, but should have made up for it with a good match.

Orton is going to be doing this for a long time and the rest of Legacy will probably be top billed in a few years.

Money in the Bank was a little underwhelming, but makes the case for more of the smaller guys to be in the spotlight.

Sheamus and HHH will probably keep going, soon there might be a title in the mix.

Punk is getting better and Rey looks like he'll keep going strong for years to come.

Hart got his revenge, McMahon is taking a vacation and the Hart family got paid really well.

I hope that one day Jericho proves how much of a heel he is by Tweeting in the ring during the match.

Pay Vicky and let her leave.

Cena needs a looooooong vacation from being the Champ.

Taker and Michaels are da best.

Last thing I'll mention is that both Rey and Vickie got onto the top rope and pointed to the Heavens to reference the late, great Eddie Guerrero. The problem that I had with it is that Rey goes for a Frog Splash and misses and Vickie did something that was referred to as the "Hog Splash". Eddie Guerrero was not only a great entertainer, but a great wrestler who will be always remembered. He was the first Mexican-American to win the WWE Champion and had storylines that varied from silly to creepy. I just think that they could have handled it better. Rey didn't have to win with the move, but hit it and if Vickie wasn't a heel, she could have called it something more respectable.

Bottom Line - I miss the good ole days of WWF.

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